Game Theory: Rosalina UNMASKED pt. 2 (Super Mario Galaxy)

So it looks like someone finally got a piece of the cake if you know what I saying. *Horn* Blowne Chica Blowne Blowne (continued jokes about Mario and Peach “pairing”) But how can Peach be here….and here. All shall be revealed….today. Hello internet, welcome to Game Theory. The show that is finally! concluding a two part series! (sings) *HALLELUJAH* Now if only I’d do that Watch_Dogs episode.. Anyway! last time we used a little bit of Mario Galaxy lure And a heapin’ helpin’ of genetics To conclude that Rosalina has a unusually high probablity of being Peach’s daughter…but.

There were a few sticking points to that theory In particular, that “Rosalina’s mother is dead” AAAND Peach mmm doesn’t seem to be. There are other problems too like the relative lack of an age difference between Peach and Rosalina, but this episode will answer all those concerns, AND MORE! Not only solving the mystery of Rosalina’s parentage and the eternal question of Mario “Jumpman” Mario’s multiple lives, but also completely overturning everything you thought you knew about Miyamoto’s beloved franchise. If you thought Mario being a sociopath was Earth shattering, just wait till you see the end of this one.

Tham khao them san go quickstep bi tai day.

So let’s start with the elephant in the room. Peach being dead. As we concluded last episode, Rosalina’s mother is buried under a tree on her favorite stargazing hill. How can that possibly happen when uhhh … Yup, uhh breathing, kidnapped by Bowser, calling for help, promise of future cake. Yup! Peach seems to be at least somewhat alive in Super Mario Galaxy. Well that’s actually the whole premise of the game! The game’s ending … Do I need a spoiler alert for a Mario game ending? Like, they’re always one step above conglaturations Uhhh so here. SPOILER ALERT! For practically every Mario game ever, Peach gets saved and Bowser falls into lava. I’d say that’s probably about like 87 percent of the games.

Clearly we are not playing these games for the epic conclusion friends. But Galaxy is part of the 13 percent, sporting one of the most bizarrely cryptic endings to happen since Enslaved on the Xbox. Bowser, Mario, and Peach all get sucked into a cataclysmic black hole and everything gets destroyed. Look at the way it decimates Bowser’s ship. A bunch of baby stars then sacrifice themselves, creating something similar to the Big Bang. Which brings to life a whole new Galaxy. Rosalina then talks to Mario about the cycle of rebirth. How stardust from dying stars eventually reforms into a new star and the  cycle continues but with small changes each time. It’s like an astronomical version of Groundhog’s Day; no two go arounds are exactly the same.

She then tells Mario that, “He’ll see.” Mario wakes up and is back in the Mushroom Kingdom, but things are a bit different. You have all the intergalactic characters from the game living on the same planet now. Mario welcomes the new Galaxy, pan out, spot Peach’s burial tree on the hill, roll credits. So, what happened exactly? That black hole seemed to destroy everything, everyone is now on the same planet, and Rosalina’s closing speech is vague at best. Well, her cryptic dialogue actually explains it all. Mario, Peach, Bowser, and all the rest have just been reborn into a new Galaxy cycle. At the beginning of the game we were playing in a Galaxy that had all the characters separated out onto different planets, but in this new remixed version of the Galaxy that was just created by the black hole and baby Lumas, everyone exists on the same planet. The cycle has been restarted, but with the small difference of everyone sharing a planet. Ya see? Let me put it a different way. True loyal Theorists watching this show will remember looong, long ago when I covered the Zelda Timeline. There you had a parallel series of multiverses, each with a small tweak. Link survives in this timeline, dies in this one, and never exists in the third. It would seem, Mario’s world believes in something similar. Think about it like hitting the reset button on your old NES. Is that a reference that anyone even gets at this point? Anyway the old NES had a reset button. Just go with me here. So you want to fire up a game of Super Mario Brothers on your NES.  You hit the power button, the screen flickers, you have to eject cartridge, blow in it, reinsert it, push down, and you hit the power button again, and there you go the game starts. Now imagine you hit the reset button and start up the game again, but this time the blocks are arranged in a different way, and goombas and koopas are showing up in weird locations. Hit the reset button again, and again a new arrangement of the same core pieces. Mario Galaxy is basically working under the philosophy of the Galaxy resetting itself. Remixing itself every time. Like Rosalina said the cycle never repeats the same way In fact, this idea explains Mario’s multiple lives. How can Mario fall into a pit, die, but then have three more tries to get it right? It’s new iterations of the Galaxy each time. Its’ also an explanation for Mario and Bowser being mortal enemies 90 percent of the time and cart buddies the other 10 percent, OR the on again off again appearance of the Koopa Kids, OR where Gino and Mallow went. Please let there be a Galaxy iteration where they come back. That game was SO good. Ok, but how does this all explain Peach being dead? Easy! Rosalina is Peach’s daughter from a previous cycle of the Galaxy. Peach had a child, raised her, then died. Devastated Rosalina flew away only to return and check on her home every hundred years. Or every new cycle of the Galaxy. It just so happens that the particular cycle featured in this game is one in which she gets roped into the action. Does this seem too metaphysical or too deep? It shouldn’t because its the core belief of the game. Anyone who has played the game beyond the Mario missions, and has gone through it with Luigi, has seen the proof for themselves. With Mario you have the Rescue Luigi Missions, where your clumsy brother gets himself trapped and you need to save him. Great, nothing unusual there. But when you play the game with Luigi and get to those missions again, you expect to be saving Mario only to find that nope you’re still saving Luigi. It’s awkward. The explanation given for this is well, I guess there’s enough people in the universe for one person to look like me. Except what’s really going on here is that you’re meeting a version of Luigi from a different cycle of the Galaxy. If nothing else, this encounter shows that Super Mario Galaxy is a title that bends metaphysical rules. Ok, if Rosalina and Luigi 2 are from previous cycles of the Galaxy, how are they so young? How can Rosalina look the same age as Peach if they’re mother and daughter? And how can Rosalina revisit her home planet every hundred years, OR more, if she’s a normal human with a normal human lifespan? Huh, Come on. It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure that one out. Well, actually it does, or at least it did … In 1905 Albert Einstein proposed a theory, a Scientific Theory, called special relativity. You know E equals M C squared? Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. Yea that’s a part of it. It’s incredibly complicated stuff, but suffice it to say it completely changed the course of Physics, and answered a lot of scientists’ lingering questions around time, space, and light. It also, believe it or not, answers how Rosalina and Peach can be practically the same age. One of the consequences of his theory was the concept of Time Dilation or the fact that time slows with motion. The faster you move, the more difference occurs, and at speeds close to the speed of light, time practically stops. It sounds crazy, but it’s been proven. Two synchronized atomic clocks were tested. One clock was kept on Earth, while another one was put into a high speed plane and flown around for a while. When the plane returned, the clock was behind by exactly the amount Einstein’s equations predicted. But when they re-synchronized the clocks on Earth, they were still running at exactly the same rate. In other words, time had passed slower on the plane because of how fast it was traveling. Time had dilated or expanded. In other words, time travel is proven to be a real thing. Now look at Rosalina’s ship, it travels between Galaxies at speeds approaching the speed of light. So for her time moves much slower relative to the time on Earth. In fact, using and online time dilation calculator, I was able to conclude that 1 year aboard her ship traveling slightly under the speed of light would actually be the equivalent of 100 years of Earth time. So say Rosalina is 20, that’s 2000 years worth of Earth time. And that’s a conservative estimate. Einstein, truly you have given the world many great gifts, but none compare with your most recent contribution to society. PROOF, that fictional characters are related. But enough science, lets get back to the lore. Did you ever notice that Rosalina never refers to Peach by name? She always calls her Mario’s “special one.” Probably because she feels awkward calling her mom by her real name. Or maybe that was the pet name Mario would use for her when they were together. Sure it’s not quite as compelling of evidence as relativistic physics, but hey, it’s something! Now if you STILL don’t believe me, MAN! You really have some serious trust issues cause I have proved this thing every way to Sundae. Lore, genetics, physics, I mean seriously cut me some slack here. But I’m sure there are still some of you out there who are going to say oh you are overthinking the game oh the designers didn’t plan this, well to disprove every last doubting Wario out there, Yoshiaki Koizumi, that’s about as good as I’m going to get at pronouncing that name, the writer of Rosalina’s story book said during an interview that Rosalina was originally intended to be related to Princess Peach. There BOOM done. Of course he didn’t say HOW, which prompted the internet to assume that they were sisters but WE now know better. And finally since I’m not leaving any stone UN-turned here. There’s one last HUGE piece of evidence hidden in the French version of the game. That’s right we are getting international up in here. Look at the epilogue of Rosalina’s story in English. She dedicates her life to the Lumas, vows to revisit Earth every hundred years and flies away. But the French version of the story has an extra little detail worked in. Everything is about the same except for the second to last page. It has a little bit more text worked in. Eh em, let me a brush of my French here as best I can (mumbles made up French sounding words) My French teacher is going to watch this and be so embarrassed. Here we go I’m going to make this super sexy. (Reads above lines in ~sexy~ French accent) That was hot. French, language of love. So if you didn’t spend 7 years learning the difference between a crook monsieur and a crook madame You could probably figure out the following. My dad uhh … something something … caressing his mustache but luckily I spent a couple years, butchering the language and coupling that with the power of Google translate, it says the following “I would like once every hundred years, to return back to my blue planet, and doze on the knees of my father, stroking the mustache that was his pride.” And what you have there, loyal Theorists, cut from the English version for some reason is our last piece of incredibly strong evidence that Mario is Rosalina’s father. (laughs) I mean I suppose by that logic the father could also be Luigi, but that would be … (Whooshing noises) No … It couldn’t … Same attached ears, same blue eyes and he’s left handed, meaning the odds of Peach and Luigi having a left handed child like Rosalina would be double! Luigi is much taller than Mario and Rosalina is a towering figure in the Mario Universe and back in the story book when Rosalina is describing playing with her brother, the brother is wearing a green hat. It’s subtle sure, but if you look close enough, it’s definitely included there on purpose. Then there’s the telescope that belonged to Rosalina’s father that she takes on her intergalactic journey and appears on the last page of her story book. Mario is never depicted with a telescope throughout the series but we know for a fact Luigi has one.  He inherited it as part of his mansion, and don’t you find it a bit coincidental that when you beat Super Mario Galaxy with Luigi and all 120 stars, then collect the secret final star at the end, you’re rewarded with a picture of Luigi and Rosalina? Father and daughter? You know, when it was referenced in the game that Rosalina and Peach were related, it was Miamoto himself who pulled the plug on it. Insisting the reference be removed. For years we’ve been lead to believe that Peach and Mario are gaming’s IT couple, but this whole coverup would make perfect sense if Nintendo had known all along that Luigi is the one Peach ultimately ends up with. It would also explain Peach’s utter lack of affection for Mario in every game ever. but if that were to get out it would throw everything we’ve ever thought about this franchise into utter chaos! Nahhh it couldn’t be … Could it? But HEY! That’s JUST a THEORY! A Game Theory! Thanks for Watching! Hey, you should probably Super Smash that subscribe button. Seriously, I think I earned it with this one. I mean really, relativity, genetics, multi-game lore, and a pretty strong theory to boot? If that’s not worth a subscribe to you, then you have way too high of standards. Now welcome back to the Super Amazing End Card Tournament! Where last time it was a close match, but Link’s hook shot out ahead of the competition by 6000 votes. This week I wanted to try something different. I wanted to take this time to introduce you to two channels that I really like and I think you will too. The first is This Exists. It’s a criminally under-watched show that digs up some of the strangest things in movies, music, and video games. It’s fascinating some of the stuff they dig up. From a history of the most famous and most offensive Mario ROM hacks to Prince’s 1994 video game? Yea, the musician Prince (RIP) Quite literally Mist meets Purple Rain. This is the sort of thing that makes doves cry. Simultaneously mind blowing and disturbing. This Exists is definitely worth checking out, so you should click here to do that. And speaking of musicians let me introduce you to Epic Game Music. James here does fantastic guitar covers of some of your favorite video game songs. And even some theme songs you might recognize. (Guitar cover of Game Theory Theme song) Honestly, Epic Game Music, and Smooth Mcgroove are my two go to channels for music to work to. So there you go, two new channels that are definitely worth a watch and who knows maybe even a subscribe. Just click the annotations or the description, you mobile users, to check ’em out. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a Watch_Dogs episode to finish recording. Well I guess there’s enough people in the Universe for one person to look like me … Wooow … that was a terrible Luigi impression. Note to self, don’t do impressions ever again. Unless it’s PewDiePie. I feel like my PieDiePie impression is pretty good.

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